The raindrops pounded on the windscreen with such force; it put cows to shame. The size of those raindrops were monstrous and they had to drop down on this particular day.
BUCKADOODLE!
So there I was, behind the windscreen staring right up to the grey sky beckoning the Merciful Gods to quench their wrath already. So out of nowhere, I started singing this old nursery rhyme.
Rain, rain; go away. Come again another day.
BOOM!
A loud crack of thunder gave its encore but instead of drizzles – elephant poops splattered on the Kancil’s windscreen instead. So, what could I do but to follow the instructor’s advice and checked all the safety precautions before I start driving.
Oh yeah, today; chern nerdynot officially began his first driving experience. And I mean REAL DRIVING! So, being the virgin I was ( my conservative parents never allowed me to even sit at the driver’s seat for fear of me crashing into some random cars ), I obviously have to take on this driving experience with delicacy and grace.
“eh, eh masuk Clutch dulu”
*engine stalls and the whole car jerked forwards*
“Fuck. Lemme try that again?”
“Slowly release the clutch. Slowly….”
*Kancil car jerked forwards and stalls*
“Eh, eh cikgu. Apa sudah jadi?”
So… my first driving experience wasn’t so beautiful after all. I didn’t consummate my virginity to the car by being gentle and caring. Instead I killed her like err… 5 times?
Not bad right?
5 times before I even began driving.
I blame it on the rain. The ferocity of those raindrops hitting the hollow rooftop of the car was deafening. I could barely hear my heart, which was entangled in the front of my teeth, beating.
That was practically the fun part. The torturous part was sitting through 5 hours of this Undang course and another 3 hours of theoretical class to learn about the engine. I mean, who on Earth learns about how the hell the carburettor (hell I didn’t even know how to spell it. Thank heavens for spell check) works.
Trust me on this.
NEVER GO TO ANY DRIVING COURSE WITHOUT AN IPOD!
It’s a suicidal attempt towards your sanity.
No kidding.
Oh, and I got 48/50 for my test; which was not bad considering I got stupid uncommon sense questions. I mean there was this question on head on collision that was repeated TWICE. The same question! But I wasn’t sure of the answer. FML. I’m pretty sure those two SAME questions were the ones I got wrong.
I mean look at the picture below
. 
Yes, that was on the undang activity book.
Apparently the undang exam was suppose to be an exam. Considering I’ve been through 3 weeks of gruelling mind-wrenching SPM, I expect clear instructions to be given at all times.
The only thing the invigilator cum photographer cum facebooker cum clerk cum IT guy cum cashier cum Mr. Bossy ever did was ask us to fill in our IC number and put our options as Orang Awam Malaysia. He just walked off without even telling us whether we could start or not.
So I stared into the computer screen for about 5 minutes but I heard the buttons on the mouse clicking. I thought the candidates were warming up because there were like 65 questions. So out of curiosity I peeked at my neighbours cubicle to see how he’s warming up.
FUCK. He’s already finished with the colour test.
It doesn’t help when you’re only halfway through and people start walking up announcing to their No. 1 fans complete with their own private cheerleaders that they got 49/50.
So, now I’m waiting for my L licence which should come in about 2 weeks?
Then, I can officially caress that supple steering wheel of my darling Kancil. Don’t judge that Kancil by it’s size, the steering wheel is so freaking hard to steer. It’s like as though you’re trying to push/pull Oprah’s butt between Victoria Beckham’s legs which by the way are currently deformed at her feet due to her fondness for stilettos.
Serves her right. Beauty after all comes with a price. Nice butts and boobs are hardly natural.
By the way, I nearly :-
- Crashed into a DHL van -- I seriously wonder why DHL vans are aplenty at the driving centre. It’s not like they have to send parcels of “FAIL” letters to the centre.
- Made the instructor and I crash into windscreen because I braked too hard and fast.
- Had a head-on collision with this other friend of mine who’s also driving for her very first time. Thank god for extra break pedals on the front passenger seat for the instructor.
- Crashed the Kancil’s bumper that I was driving when I tried to do a 3 point turn.
And I :-
- Stalled the car for 25 times.
- Knocked down a few poles.
- Accelerated too quickly and made myself bang my head on the seat headrest.
- Made a pregnant woman give birth (metaphorically) when I braked. Picture the force exerted.
- AM ready to do it all again…
Be forewarned drivers at the Safety Driving Centre, get your cars INSURED and your life as well!
I better introduce my instructor (above) to Great Eastern.
